Because, guys, how many of you haven’t had those months when you know your ADHD meds have been switched out with sugar pills? It’s like, no matter what you do, you feel just as ADD / ADHD as ever. It scares you a little bit because everything is slipping all at once. It’s just like the “good ole days,” except they weren’t really all that good.
That’s the kind of month I’ve been having. Seriously, it seems like every single time I look, my zipper is down. I’ve stared at a gas pump angrily clicking my remote car key, waiting for the damn pump to automatically pump itself. For the first time in many years, I spent an entire day hyper focusing (like nobody’s business) on an intense project at work only to accidentally close out of the program and then realize that I hadn’t saved all day. I have so many bruises from bumping into things that you’d think I was getting attacked on a regular basis.
And that’s just the stuff I’m remembering off the top of my head. You guys get it…I know you do. We all have those times when our old ADHD tricks come back full force. It’s crazy how quickly everything seems to fall apart and how quickly I become overwhelmed…and, even more so, how quickly I start second guessing everything I do.
That’s the thing of it. An ADD / ADHD diagnosis rarely feels like an excuse to those of us who actually have it. Sure, it’s an explanation for some of the struggles we might have faced in school, work, relationships, life in general, but it doesn’t excuse us as the person who has committed all these “sins.” Even after a diagnosis, a lot of ADHDers continue to struggle with self trust and forgiveness. No matter what anybody calls it, we still blame ourselves for the “mistakes we’ve made.”
In those moments, like now, when our (my) meds seem to fail and life seems to crash down on us (me), it really can be scary. For whatever ground we might have gained, it could just as easily slip away. Or so it feels anyway.
Try not to hate on yourself in these moments (or in any, really). I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, everybody has bad days…even those “normal” folk. The fact that you can tell when the meds aren’t working is a sign that they do actually work from time to time or at least a sign that you do actually work from time to time. If you didn’t, you wouldn’t notice a difference. So, hang in there. Try not to beat yourself up. Wait it out. Pretty soon you’ll be back to your old self, remembering to zip your pants up and all.