Happy Fall!

First off…happy Fall…because…well – Fall.  And it’s awesome.  This is a photo I took while hiking at some point last Fall.  As I’ve mentioned before, like so many other ADHD-ers, I love the outdoors and find nature more therapeutic than Xanax (well, most days at least).  So, in honor of the first day of Fall and all the changing leaves and all that good stuff, I had to share one of the more colorful photos I’ve taken.

Second off…and continuing with yesterday’s Dear Diary theme…and with the general intent to keep writing something, just to keep writing, I wanted to share another retro post from my Xanga days.


I’ve worked so hard to make it all appear as such.  I believe I’ve succeeded, in that at least.

And all they see is what I show them; they never see the pain.

They say that life’s a stage.  I’d say I’m tired of playing this part, but, hell,  I can’t even face the audition.

The problem with suffering in silence is that noone ever hears your cries.

No full thoughts.  I can’t find it within me to compile them.

Looking back, it’s so strange how often I’ve felt just as I do today.  My anxiety is crippling.  My distractibility?  Derailing, at the very least.  …but I carry on.  No one sees the struggle.  So, when I try to explain, it’s hard for them to fathom.  I find myself lost again, but aspiring to be on the path to somewhere better than here.  Somehow, I still can’t find the words.  I’m trying, though…and I’m trying to force myself to speak, even when I’m not entirely sure what to say.  And I’m trying to put one foot in front of the other, even though I don’t really know where I’m headed.

Other “retro” posts from Xanga:

When ADHD and Diaries Collide

I’ve been a writer my whole life…to varying degrees…in various capacities. There have been periods of constant writing and dry spells that seemed to last forever. In fact, I’ve been in one of those dry spells for quite some time now.

That said, today is Dear Diary Day and it seemed only appropriate to attempt to write a blog entry in honor of it.

A lot has happened over the last several months…so much so that I haven’t known where to start. Perhaps this entry isnt very definitive, doesn’t have much of a real point other than to acknowledge the value of writing in my own life. I’ve started several blog entries over the past few months. And I have a list of potential topics. Somehow all the chaos has prevented me from actually sitting down and putting these ideas out there.

Again, the ADHD theme of all-or-nothing prevails in my blog. We go for things at full force, but are so quickly deterred to stop when the force is diminished…even in the slightest. Fellow ADHD-ers, I know you get it. I want to write again. I need to write again. Maybe I’m hoping that this post will be a jumping off point, to remind me how important it is for me to be writing.

With October and the celebration of ADHD Awareness Month on the horizon, I’ve been trying to outline potential blog ideas to ignite the creativity inside me…nay, the freedom to write. However, when I found out today is Dear Diary Day, I couldn’t pass up the opportunity to put something out there.

It’s been a long, trying few months and I intend to write about what these few months have taught me and how I’m still trying to overcome the obstacles that have been put in my path.

As I look back over all my diaries, journals and scribbles, I realize how glad I am to have them, to have documented so much of my own life.  It lets me see how much I’ve grown and often inspires me to find the strength to believe again.

So, if you’re still with me and still interested in what I have to say, I hope you’ll stick around. I promise I haven’t abandoned you guys and I promise I haven’t given up.

I’m not even confident in this post, but I’m trying to overcome the ADHD all-or-nothing mentality and just put something out there.  It ain’t perfect, but sometimes it’s not about being perfect…sometimes it’s about just doing it.

Also, this guy…just cause he’s awesome:

cat close up puppy