ADHD

ADHD Simulation – Reading with Distractions

I’ve been “gifted” all my life. I’ve also been overcompensating for my learning issues for as long as I can remember. The two don’t seem to go together, do they? But, for many, they do.

It’s really hard being in gifted classes with the smartest people in school, knowing that you’re smart, but somehow feeling that you just don’t belong. I would get stupidly excited for summer reading books. I really, really, really wanted to learn. I have this unbelievable thirst for knowledge. It sounds so lame, but it’s really the truth. The problem is, I could never quench it. My brain wouldn’t allow me to actually focus or absorb much at all.

I would dive into those summer reading books with such enthusiasm…but ask me how many I actually finished. Maybe five…and that’s being generous.

Then, in college, I realized how slowly I actually read. I was studying for a psychology test and there was this passage (I don’t remember the numbers), “Remedial readers trail in at … words a minute.” I timed myself and I was so much slower than the remedial reader. There was a part of me, in that moment, that realized that I might actually be screwed (aka there might actually be an underlying issue).

Years later, I stumbled upon a video on PBS that did a pretty accurate job of simulating what happens in an ADD / ADHD brain when it tries to read. I shared it with a few friends and they were shocked. It’s all I’ve ever known, so it was comforting, instead of shocking, to know that other people were going through it, too. Not that I want anyone else to have to struggle just because I do, but there’s comfort in knowing you’re not alone.

Anyway, I’ve looked for the video for years since. I’m not 100% convinced that this is the original video I found, but it definitely delivers the same effect. Feel free to give it a whirl…it stresses me out just to look at it. It looks too much like the way the inside of my brain feels.

…And You Just Know This Month’s ADHD Meds Are Actually Sugar Pills

Because, guys, how many of you haven’t had those months when you know your ADHD meds have been switched out with sugar pills? It’s like, no matter what you do, you feel just as ADD / ADHD as ever. It scares you a little bit because everything is slipping all at once. It’s just like the “good ole days,” except they weren’t really all that good.

That’s the kind of month I’ve been having. Seriously, it seems like every single time I look, my zipper is down. I’ve stared at a gas pump angrily clicking my remote car key, waiting for the damn pump to automatically pump itself. For the first time in many years, I spent an entire day hyper focusing (like nobody’s business) on an intense project at work only to accidentally close out of the program and then realize that I hadn’t saved all day. I have so many bruises from bumping into things that you’d think I was getting attacked on a regular basis.

And that’s just the stuff I’m remembering off the top of my head. You guys get it…I know you do. We all have those times when our old ADHD tricks come back full force. It’s crazy how quickly everything seems to fall apart and how quickly I become overwhelmed…and, even more so, how quickly I start second guessing everything I do.

That’s the thing of it. An ADD / ADHD diagnosis rarely feels like an excuse to those of us who actually have it. Sure, it’s an explanation for some of the struggles we might have faced in school, work, relationships, life in general, but it doesn’t excuse us as the person who has committed all these “sins.” Even after a diagnosis, a lot of ADHDers continue to struggle with self trust and forgiveness. No matter what anybody calls it, we still blame ourselves for the “mistakes we’ve made.”

In those moments, like now, when our (my) meds seem to fail and life seems to crash down on us (me), it really can be scary. For whatever ground we might have gained, it could just as easily slip away. Or so it feels anyway.

Try not to hate on yourself in these moments (or in any, really). I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, everybody has bad days…even those “normal” folk. The fact that you can tell when the meds aren’t working is a sign that they do actually work from time to time or at least a sign that you do actually work from time to time. If you didn’t, you wouldn’t notice a difference. So, hang in there. Try not to beat yourself up. Wait it out. Pretty soon you’ll be back to your old self, remembering to zip your pants up and all.

That’s Just How ADHD Bloggers Roll(ercoaster)

Sorry for the recent silence, guys. I’m trying not to fall victim to the all-or-nothing tendencies that are so common with us ADHDers. God knows it’s hard for us to find balance in our lives…and there’s a lot of other stuff going on (personally and professionally) right now that’s currently sucking up my energy.

I want to post frequently, but I don’t want to post just to post. The content needs to have some value. I don’t want to just spam you guys, you know?

Still, even if I can’t compose an epic post, because of whatever it is I’m struggling with at the moment, I guess that’s kind of what I’m supposed to be sharing, too. While I try to take the positive approach to my own ADHD (and other) issues, it’s not all sunshine and roses. It would be silly of me to pretend that it is. Honestly, it would be condescending of me to even think that I could convince you that life with ADHD is always awesome. Nobody’s life is awesome all the time.

You know better than that; I don’t take you guys for fools. A lot of you are living the ADHD life, too, so you totally get it. If I pranced around here all the time only talking about the benefits of having ADHD, I would probably lose my credit as an ADHDer. There are good days and there are bad days. (Good/bad weeks, good/bad months, good/bad years…you get the picture.) And I won’t pretend otherwise.

I have plenty of content ideas, but I just haven’t had the energy to put a post together lately. Life is all about priorities, though. You need to do what makes you happy and you need to spend time on the things you value most. We all have limited time – both on a daily basis and in the grand scheme of things. You (I) have to be smart about how you (I) spend that time and energy.

Thing is…this blog (and all you guys reading it) are a priority. It makes me happy to know that people are getting something from my posts. Be it a good laugh, the ability to relate and know you’re not alone, some kind of inspiration…whatever it is that you get from my blog, I owe it to you to not drop the ball on this.

Hell, I owe it to myself.

After all, my whole life I’ve just wanted to make a difference. If this is that chance, I better not screw it up.

So, yeah, adding pressure to a situation? “…always encourages an ADHDer to stick to something,” said no person with ADHD ever.

Oh well…here goes nothing. Who’s with me?

Making Big Stuff Happen With Hands-On Learning (an ADHD Favorite)

Came across this awesome project on Kickstarter – X-SPACE: A Library Designed and Built By Its Students. The idea sounded awesome and I wanted to learn more about it, so I watched the video.

Such an amazing Kickstarter project. Seriously…I’m a bit blown away over here.

I did some more research, to really understand the back story. …even more blown away.

Realm Charter School in Berkeley, California offers these super elaborate hands-on design courses to its students through a program called Project H. Holy crap, the awesomeness. Project H students are the masterminds behind the X-SPACE library designing/building Kickstarter project.

“108 eighth grade students are designing and building their own library, and you can own a piece of it.” – X-SPACE on Kickstarter

Anyway, of course I supported the cause and donated…because SO awesome…how could I not?

For some ADHD / ADD learners, hands-on learning is the ideal learning style, the only (or the best) way to get things to stick. I am one of those ADHD learners, which is why I am so enamored with this project and Project H in general.

Even if you can learn something by reading it just one time, you need to check out the Project H website (http://www.projecthdesign.org/). They even provide lesson plans and other tools for several of their projects (I can’t even pinpoint just one because they all look so awesome). The potential impact of what they’re doing is just huge. I highly recommend you take a peek, guys, especially if you’re a teacher or student (and obviously if you have ADHD, ADD or other learning differences).

I am in awe of the big things these kids are doing and I am super proud of the adults that are making all of this possible. I mean, all you have to do is read the first sentence on their website and you’ll get it:

“Teaching youth to design and build their future with heart, hands, and hammers.”

You can even buy this awesomeness, which I am SO doing.

Painted Skies and ADHD Optimism

“…because blue skies should always be acknowledged.” – Enough said. (Okay, not really because I have a little more to say.)

I mean, we’re all going to have bad days (ADHD or not). There’s no getting away from that. But, the trick is…to keep hanging on for the good days. They’ll come…they always do.

The thing about ADHDers, though, is that, for as much as we struggle, we tend to have this underlying optimism. Maybe it’s just that we’ve forgotten about the bad by the time something good comes along, so we can embrace the good easier than most. But I don’t really think that’s it. I think that our ADHD struggles, as with most struggles in life, have made us thankful for those moments when the sun is shining and things are good.

To be clear, I didn’t exactly have the best day today or anything. In fact, I didn’t like it much at all. But the sky kind of speaks to me when it’s all painted and awesome like this and I’m a little obsessed with attempting to capture it in all its glory. Awesome skies do have a knack for cheering me up, even if only briefly. Most of the time, I feel called to share the pictures, too. Like, somehow, if the painted sky is making me happy in the moment, maybe it’ll work for somebody else out there who might need it, too.

So, guys, after last night’s wicked long blog entry, I leave you with the first (of likely many) sky pictures. I hope you’ll find some inspiration or hope…or maybe just appreciate that there are a lot of really good blues in the shot.