adhd humor

Insomnia, Pain Meds, Delusions and White Noses

So, I finally upgraded my phone. I can once again take pictures without working the system and going through Snapchat. My apps are also updated and current (including WordPress). This means, to my friends, 1,001 more cat and sky pictures a day and, to you, it might mean I’ll be posting more often (though, hell, I can’t make any promises…pretty sure it’s been years since my last post).

So, anyway, if you’ve read my blog at all before now, I’m pretty sure I’ve made it clear that I struggle with sleeping. Sometimes I have trouble falling asleep. Sometimes I have trouble staying asleep. Sometimes both. And sometimes I hallucinate in the middle of the night.

Currently, my room is the worst it’s been in a long time. Clothes are hanging everywhere. This mess makes it easier to blur the lines between reality and hallucinations during the witching hours of the night. I see a stark white shirt hanging in the dimness and it morphs into a being from the other side. It’s fun stuff, let me tell you. Figments of my imagination merge with reality and commandeer nightmares that leave me paralyzed by fear.

I try to talk myself out of the crazy, but panic attacks often overwhelm.

Anyway, my back has been a disaster since February. It’s much better than it was to start out with, but the pain occasionally still warrants some medicinal remedying. Two nights ago was one of these times. I took a Tramadol and a Flexeril and headed in to watch 13 Reasons Why. I’ve taken both of these meds before and not had a problem. I’m certainly not blaming them for the hallucinations that ensued that night, but I’m not counting them out as possible contributing factors either.

Well, I fell asleep before the first episode finished. Next night, I went to replay that episode on my Roku and got the following screen:

“What in the actual hell (to keep it PG-13)?” I thought.

The hallucinations from the night before came flooding back into my mind, but I was insanely confused. I had no recollection of searching for, “White Nose.” And I had no clue what the hell I might have been seeking. I honestly began to freak a little. Had something actually been in my room? Had it (they?) taken over control over my Roku? Were they trying to communicate with me?!?!?!? I took the screengrab and sent it to one of my best friends being like, “WTF?” and then I proceeded to tell my parents.

Both of my parents were equally as freaked, if not more. I mentioned my hallucinations, which I’ve mentioned to them before, but I think they found them unsettling. Not that I don’t. I just…well, they happen. I deal. I sucked it up and went back into my room. I was a little panicked about who my roomie might be, but it’s not like I’ve never been afraid of who might come, “A knock at my door,” and who might be, “Waiting for me.”

Meanwhile, my friend had written me back…and what a relief! “Ha ha ha!! Were you wanting white noise?” And then, “That made me laugh so hard.”

And then that part of the night came back into my mind. I had fallen asleep watching the show and then I’d woken up to the hallucinations and the deadening silence. I didn’t want to get out of bed because…well, the monsters might get me…and I also didn’t want to disturb my cat. Some might say my priorities are super whacked.

I went searching for white noise on my Roku. I got pissed because I knew I’d found it before. But hey, you can’t find it if you search, “White Nose,” or so it turns out. I’m blind and can’t see very well without my glasses. What can I say? I eventually landed on just using one of the apps on my phone for the white noIse instead.

Once I realized that my friend (who knows me oh, so well) had actually connected all the dots, I, too, laughed at my ridiculousness. I told my parents, to give them some relief…that I might not be as crazy as I appeared and/or that I might not be actively being stalked by beings from the great beyond).

To wrap this up, I don’t know why I decided to share this here. The need for white noise, the lack of sleep, the disrupted sleep…sure, that can all have something to do with ADHD, but mostly I just found myself laughing at myself and thought I’d share. Since it’s been a while, I thought I’d run with it. Hope you enjoyed this silly anectodote about my crazy life.

Maybe you’ll be seeing more of me from here on out…maybe not. I’m gonna try, though!

When My ADHD Messes With My OCD Hand Sanitizer

Germaphobia is real and it’s no surprise us OCDers are prone to it.

This is what happens when my ADHD steps on my OCD’s toes and I lose…or run out of…all of my hand sanitizer at one time. I’m a serious germaphobe, guys.

You can never have enough hand sanitizer.

Now, I’ve started out this batch by strategically placing a few bottles in all the places I frequent (car, bookbag, desk drawer, etc.), but I will likely end up empty handed all at the same time. Not sure how it happens like that. Just does. Maybe it means I’m using them in a balanced way, but I don’t think so. Cause, the thing is, eventually I clean out some cluttered spot in my life and recover several partially-used bottles. That always kinda feels like I’ve found my pot of gold, though, so I’m not really complaining.

Side note: It really pisses me off when all the little hand sanitizer dispensers are out at the mall. They never work and it’s like, why even tease us? Ah well, that’s why it’s important I bring my own (52 million bottles) with me.

…gotta be responsible for my own crazy. 🙂

Today’s Impulsive ADHD Purchase

A few of us were craving McFlurries after lunch today, so we field tripped it up to McDonald’s. We approached the drive-thru window with great anticipation, but were met with much disappointment instead. The McFlurry machine was broken…and so we cried. Okay, not really, but it was a pretty heartbreaking moment.

Determined to reward ourselves with a scrumptious treat, we headed to the grocery store for some ice cream of sorts. And all the sorts they had! A vast selection indeed! Overwhelmed by the delicious possibilities, we settled on an old favorite – ice cream sandwiches.

There were six in a box…so I had to buy two boxes. If you know me at all (which some of you do), you know I can’t show up somewhere with special treats…if I don’t have enough for everybody. It was engrained in me a long time ago, “If you don’t have enough for the class, don’t bring it.” Besides, I like to cheer people up and ice cream has a tendency to do that.

We head up to the register and I see this magazine with Albert Einstein (who had already come up in conversation earlier today). So, I say, “I need that! He has ADHD!” To which, I correct myself, “Had,” and I toss the magazine on the checkout belt thing.

While they ring it up, I happen to look down at the price total.

$16.99 for today’s impulsive ADHD purchase. That’s what I get for acting without thinking…oh well. Maybe I’ll actually read this magazine instead of just hoarding it protectively for the rest of my life.

Chances are slim, though.

When Squirrels Attack: A Brutal Retaliation Against the Easily Distracted and Self(ie)-Obsessed

The Squirrel and ADHD – A Recipe for Laughter

As the punchline in many ADHD jokes, the squirrel is well known for it’s distractability factor. Part of that is because squirrels are everywhere. And part of it is because…well, you really just can’t help but look when you see one (at least as an ADHDer); they’re intriguing, little performers. Having posted about the ADHD squirrel phenomenon pretty recently, I wouldn’t usually bring it back up (at least not so soon).

But This Selfie Story Changes Everything

This story on Buzzfeed couldn’t be ignored. Brian Genest got distracted by the squirrel above while he was hiking…and decided he wanted to take a squirrel-featured selfie.

…which he succeeded in.

…but shortly thereafter, things took a turn for the worst.

In a seemingly spontaneous assault, the squirrel pounced on Brian and proceeded to attack. Luckily, the word on the street (aka per the aforementioned credible sources) is that Brian and the squirrel both made it out of this horrific (somewhat hysterical – let’s be honest) attack alive (and uninjured).

Why Would a Squirrel Turn Like That?

My theory is that squirrels everywhere are tired of being blamed for our distractability (and, by default, our ADHD)…so they’re ready to fight back when they see it going down. It’s about to get real. This guy…this squirrel…is the leader of the revolution and this was his first (documented/viral) battle.

ADHDers Heed This Warning

So, I leave you with this…be wary of the squirrel that snags your attention. Resist the urge to be distracted by the fun, furry, little creature. As we’ve learned in this story, not all distractions are worth giving in to. Sometimes they end in blood and tears (read: comical experiences that result in viral celebrity status and no significant injuries to write home about).

Side Note

I’m not really saying that Brian Genest is a fellow ADHDer…or that he was actually distracted by anything as a result of his encounter with the squirrel. This post (and the story itself) is really just an opportunity to poke fun at the distractability (and countless jokes) that squirrels have provided to the ADHD community…well, probably since the beginning of time.

Step Out of Your OCD Comfort Zone (and Laugh at Yourself)

You have to be able to laugh at your (OCD) self.

I mean, I even labeled my label maker(s)…yeah, yeah, yeah, I have three.

Humor is the key to life, my friends. The ability to laugh can get you through a lot of sticky situations…and will probably get you a lot of friends, if that’s what you’re after.

The ability to laugh at yourself is rare, but I believe it’s one of the biggest tools of survival. It’s something you should strive to be able to do, if you can’t already.

If you’ve read any of my blog, you know I’ve managed to laugh at my ADHD, but that’s pretty easy. I mean, my ADHD makes me quick witted, smart and creative (oh, and clumsy), hysterical things are bound to happen when it’s in charge.

On the other hand, my OCD tends to bring out my serious side. The obsessive worry, the phobias, the panic, the need for certain kinds of order and the perfectionism? Well, these symptoms don’t always lend themselves to having a sense of humor in the same way that my ADHD symptoms do.

Still, I can laugh about the fact that I’m in love with hand sanitizer (but I’m not gonna laugh if it’s not readily available) or that I have three label makers and that I feel the need to label them all. These are quirky things and quirky things make me interesting (or, you know, weird, but whatever). I guess they make me a character of sorts and it turns out that other people are entertained by my oddities.

It’s the whole, “If you can’t beat ’em, join ’em,” mentality. If they’re all gonna laugh at me, I might as well get a kick out of myself, too. If you don’t laugh, you’ll cry. All my life, I’ve been the one to make other people laugh, but I’ve also been told not to take life so seriously. That last part is something I’m trying to work on and I figured some of you might benefit from doing the same.

When I stumbled on this collection of things that claimed it would freak out every OCD person, I had to play along. And I’m not gonna lie to you, some of it was uncomfortable to see…and some of it, I would be impulsively driven to correct, even if it wasn’t my place to.

But, hey guys, we’re safe over here. These are just pictures. You can’t die from the complete disregard for straight lines, symmetry and perfectionism or the unfathomable labeling system for the lighting rigs. Our OCD selves are all kinds of safe over here behind our computer screens (well, at least from the scenarios in the pictures), so go ahead and peruse. Heck, consider it a kind of flooding. It’s good practice…therapeutic even.

Best of luck, my friends. Try not to look away…and seriously, go ahead and laugh…because none of it can hurt you. And come on, that off-kilter, red window is pretty awesome (even though it might be photoshopped).

Step Out of Your OCD Comfort Zone and Laugh at Yourself