A Tale of Two Kitties: Part Four

So, the thing of it is…over a month has passed.  Life has once again gotten away from me.  And here I sit, two days away from Monkey’s Gotcha Day…and a for real deadline that I should probably actually stick to.  There’s another post here in the middle that needs to be written…so here goes…  Full disclosure, most of this is pulled from the Notes section on my phone from over a year ago.  I had every intention of putting this all to “paper” then, but as the saying goes, better late than never.

As a reminder, Puppy died on a Thursday morning.  The Sunday before was his last really good, normal day.  I was home with him, the weather was perfect, and we just chilled together on the screened-in porch.  He slept in his chair out there a lot and I just kind of enjoyed his sweet company.  I freaking love/loved/love that guy.  He was my best friend…he was always there.

That Sunday, Puppy was passed out and chilling on that chair when the (not so) little gray and white dude showed up.  I always hated petting other animals when Puppy was around, especially towards the end.  I never wanted him to feel like I was cheating on him.  Call me weird, I don’t care.  Maybe I just love differently and harder than some.  Maybe I AM just weird, but whatever.

But the gray and white dude was so sweet and chatty; I didn’t want to ignore him either.  I thought it wouldn’t hurt to pet him for a bit, while Puppy slept, so I slipped out onto the deck.  I crouched down and dude was head-butting the crap out of me…just purring and head-butting.  He was super sweet.  I let it happen for less than 5 minutes and then I went back in with my boy.

Later that day, I saw my gray and white friend fighting another gray and white cat in the backyard.  I went out and yelled and the fight dispersed pretty quickly.

The Thursday that Puppy died was one of the worst days of my life.  I fled to Florida to get away and be with my parents for a bit.  It killed.  It still kills.  You either get it or you don’t.  And there’s no point in trying to convince you if you don’t.

We went to our favorite breakfast place while I was in Florida.  It’s right on a pier on the beach and, aside from the pigeons that prowl the grounds…ready to ferociously attack, it just has an awesome atmosphere.  It’s one of my favorite places in the world.  There’s a bar side table that looks right out on the ocean.  That’s where my mom, dad, and I were sitting this particular morning.  All of the sudden, I noticed my mom’s face do a thing.  I knew something was up.  “I just saw a cat,” she said.  Knowing I was vulnerable, she followed with, “I didn’t know if I should tell you.”

I jumped up to see it.  It was a little guy who looked so much like Puppy…his markings were a little darker, but the pattern was very much the same…aside from this half mustache thing he had going on.  I fell in love.  He crawled into the bushes right in front of us.  We ordered a side of bacon and brought it to him when we finished brunch.  He took the bacon happily.  We noticed an empty cat food can in the back and knew somebody was taking care of him.

I took a few pictures and felt very bittersweet over the whole thing.  Then we went and put our toes in the sand for a while.  It’s hard for me to sit still on a good day, so it’s even worse on a bad day.  Despite the assistance of a few mimosas, I couldn’t just sit there.  My mom and I got up to walk the pier.  As we passed where the cat had been, we looked down.  I was hoping he would be there.  Somehow I felt connected.  I mean, he really looked a lot like Puppy.  He WAS there!  (Should this have been titled A Tale of Three Kitties?)

Puppy meets Monkey in the underbrush     Rainbow Bridge Kitty

As soon as I spotted him, Iz’s “Somewhere Over The Rainbow” started playing overhead.  I nearly lost it.  It made me think Puppy had made it to the Rainbow Bridge and that this little guy was sent to tell me he made it okay…or something.  I’m not really sure.  I found comfort and gut-wrenching pain in it, but mostly I tried to take peace from it.  We caught our breath and wiped our tears and we continued down the pier…

Even in your darkest moments, there is light, there is hope…if only you are willing to see it.  Hard as it is sometimes, life goes on.  The sun still shines.

Sun through the clouds

Anyway, my mom and I flew back that Sunday night.  Flights got all kinds of screwed up (shocking, I know), so we didn’t get in until late.

The next day I got up to go to work.  Being back home was hard.  My routine was hollow and empty without my little guy.  No meds had to be given.  No food had to be put out.  No litter had to be scooped.  Who knew that not having to clean up cat crap could be so heart breaking?  But mostly, no little dude following my every move.

I struggled through the morning, trying to keep living, trying to get back to it.  I got in my car and immediately backed right into my dad’s Explorer.  It took a minute to realize what had happened.  Once I realized it, I began to shake and all the tears I’d been fighting came pouring out in a torrential downpour.  I got out of the car and realized there was only damage to my car, so that was good.  I sucked it up and carried on.  It’s what we do.  I’d deal with my car’s damage later.

I went to work and did my best to get through the day.  Everybody was super supportive.  All of my friends had written ridiculously sweet things in a card for me.  Tears flowed and I fought them constantly, but I survived.

As I drove home that day, I felt the empty reality hit me hard.  There would be no little goober greeting me when I got home.  My life was forever changed.  Even now, I still look for him.  Sometimes I still miss him like it just happened.

Anyway, when I was pulling in my driveway, I saw my gray and white friend crossing over from our neighbors’ and going into our backyard.

I walked into the kitchen and he showed up right at the back door, just staring at me…like he’d been waiting all day.  He did this every day.  I missed my little Puppy so much, but this guy gave me something to look forward to.  I didn’t really know who he was and he could never replace my Puppy, but he certainly made me smile and feel some kind of love when all I could feel was shattered and alone.

You can’t tell it in this picture, but this furry little guy has a half mustache.  The little guy we’d seen at the beach was, what at least appeared to be, a combination of Puppy and this other amazing little dude.  I was only beginning to get it at the time, but none of this was coincidence.  God works in mysterious ways, my friends.  There are times when it seems like the universe is failing you, but there are times when the universe seemingly rallies for you.  This little dude standing at my door was exactly that…and the universe was rallying damn hard.

Monkey at the door


Tale of Two Kitties: Part One

Tale of Two Kitties: Part Two

Tale of Two Kitties: Part Three


Insomnia, Pain Meds, Delusions and White Noses

So, I finally upgraded my phone.  I can once again take pictures without working the system and going through Snapchat.  My apps are also updated and current (including WordPress).  This means, to my friends, 1,001 more cat and sky pictures a day and, to you, it might mean I’ll be posting more often (though, hell, I can’t make any promises…pretty sure it’s been years since my last post).

So, anyway, if you’ve read my blog at all before now, I’m pretty sure I’ve made it clear that I struggle with sleeping.  Sometimes I have trouble falling asleep.  Sometimes I have trouble staying asleep.  Sometimes both.  And sometimes I hallucinate in the middle of the night.

Currently, my room is the worst it’s been in a long time.  Clothes are hanging everywhere.  This mess makes it easier to blur the lines between reality and hallucinations during the witching hours of the night.  I see a stark white shirt hanging in the dimness and it morphs into a being from the other side.  It’s fun stuff, let me tell you.  Figments of my imagination merge with reality and commandeer nightmares that leave me paralyzed by fear.

I try to talk myself out of the crazy, but panic attacks often overwhelm.

Anyway, my back has been a disaster since February.  It’s much better than it was to start out with, but the pain occasionally still warrants some medicinal remedying.  Two nights ago was one of these times.  I took a Tramadol and a Flexeril and headed in to watch 13 Reasons Why.  I’ve taken both of these meds before and not had a problem.  I’m certainly not blaming them for the hallucinations that ensued that night, but I’m not counting them out as possible contributing factors either.

Well, I fell asleep before the first episode finished.  Next night, I went to replay that episode on my Roku and got the following screen:

Roku search white nose

“What in the actual hell (to keep it PG-13)?” I thought.  

The hallucinations from the night before came flooding back into my mind, but I was insanely confused.  I had no recollection of searching for, “White Nose.” And I had no clue what the hell I might have been seeking.  I honestly began to freak a little.  Had something actually been in my room?  Had it (they?) taken over control over my Roku?  Were they trying to communicate with me?!?!?!?  I took the screengrab and sent it to one of my best friends being like, “WTF?” and then I proceeded to tell my parents.

Both of my parents were equally as freaked, if not more.  I mentioned my hallucinations, which I’ve mentioned to them before, but I think they found them unsettling.  Not that I don’t.  I just…well, they happen.  I deal.  I sucked it up and went back into my room.  I was a little panicked about who my roomie might be, but it’s not like I’ve never been afraid of who might come, “A knock at my door,” and who might be, “Waiting for me.”

Meanwhile, my friend had written me back…and what a relief!  “Ha ha ha!! Were you wanting white noise?”  And then, “That made me laugh so hard.”

And then that part of the night came back into my mind.  I had fallen asleep watching the show and then I’d woken up to the hallucinations and the deadening silence.  I didn’t want to get out of bed because…well, the monsters might get me…and I also didn’t want to disturb my cat.  Some might say my priorities are super whacked.  

I went searching for white noise on my Roku.  I got pissed because I knew I’d found it before.  But hey, you can’t find it if you search, “White Nose,” or so it turns out.  I’m blind and can’t see very well without my glasses.  What can I say?  I eventually landed on just using one of the apps on my phone for the white noIse instead.

Once I realized that my friend (who knows me oh, so well) had actually connected all the dots, I, too, laughed at my ridiculousness.  I told my parents, to give them some relief…that I might not be as crazy as I appeared and/or that I might not be actively being stalked by beings from the great beyond).

To wrap this up, I don’t know why I decided to share this here.  The need for white noise, the lack of sleep, the disrupted sleep…sure, that can all have something to do with ADHD, but mostly I just found myself laughing at myself and thought I’d share.  Since it’s been a while, I thought I’d run with it.  Hope you enjoyed this silly anectodote about my crazy life.

Maybe you’ll be seeing more of me from here on out…maybe not.  I’m gonna try, though!

When Squirrels Attack: A Brutal Retaliation Against the Easily Distracted and Self(ie)-Obsessed

squirrel selfie

The Squirrel and ADHD – A Recipe for Laughter

As the punchline in many ADHD jokes, the squirrel is well known for it’s distractability factor. Part of that is because squirrels are everywhere.  And part of it is because…well, you really just can’t help but look when you see one (at least as an ADHDer); they’re intriguing, little performers. Having posted about the ADHD squirrel phenomenon pretty recently, I wouldn’t usually bring it back up (at least not so soon).

But This Selfie Story Changes Everything

This story on Buzzfeed couldn’t be ignored.  Brian Genest got distracted by the squirrel above while he was hiking…and decided he wanted to take a squirrel-featured selfie.

…which he succeeded in.

Squirrel Selfie Success

…but shortly thereafter, things took a turn for the worst.

Squirrel Selfie Gone Wrong

In a seemingly spontaneous assault, the squirrel pounced on Brian and proceeded to attack. Luckily, the word on the street (aka per the aforementioned credible sources) is that Brian and the squirrel both made it out of this horrific (somewhat hysterical – let’s be honest) attack alive (and uninjured).

Why Would a Squirrel Turn Like That?

My theory is that squirrels everywhere are tired of being blamed for our distractability (and, by default, our ADHD)…so they’re ready to fight back when they see it going down.  It’s about to get real.  This guy…this squirrel…is the leader of the revolution and this was his first (documented/viral) battle.

ADHDers Heed This Warning

So, I leave you with this…be wary of the squirrel that snags your attention.  Resist the urge to be distracted by the fun, furry, little creature.  As we’ve learned in this story, not all distractions are worth giving in to.  Sometimes they end in blood and tears (read: comical experiences that result in viral celebrity status and no significant injuries to write home about).

Side Note

I’m not really saying that Brian Genest is a fellow ADHDer…or that he was actually distracted by anything as a result of his encounter with the squirrel.  This post (and the story itself) is really just an opportunity to poke fun at the distractability (and countless jokes) that squirrels have provided to the ADHD community…well, probably since the beginning of time.